Well, It Wasn’t My Most Masculine Day

Yesterday, Ronnie received a copy of “Living Oprah: My One-Year Experiment to Walk the Walk of the Queen of Talk.” It’s a book about a gal in Chicago who, in 2008, followed all of Oprah’s advise that year. From the show, the magazine, the God knows what else there is out there in Oprah-land.

The grantor was not Santa Claus but me.

I read this book cover to cover.

Today I spent the day horizontal.

I read it from cover to cover. That’s the first time I’ve ever read an entire book in a single day. Save, of course, the ten or so ten-pagers I read to Reese every day.

I won’t go into a full review here — no doubt there are lots of them on Amazon.com — but I will say I’ve spent worse Saturday afternoons.

To my two readers, one of whom is the book’s owner — I say give it a read.

How the Tiger Saga Impacts the Jenkins Fam

Believe it or not, this last few weeks is the not the first time “Tiger Woods” and “addiction” have been mentioned in the same sentence around here. Although I’ve had control of it lately, I had my own Tiger addiction of sorts. Not sex, mind you — Tiger shirts.

I’d go on Ebay, enter a bid, and occasionally be the high bidder. Okay, more than occasionally. At last count, I have somewhere near 37 Tiger or Nike golf shirts. I’d guess 75% of them were from Ebay. Hate to say it, but I’ve probably spent close to a thousand bucks on Tiger- and Nike gear over the years. (That I’ve had the same set of irons since 1997 may help balance that out.)

Several of the no fewer than 38 Tiger and Nike golf shirts I've purchased over the years.

I’m not sure I can wear the Tiger duds anymore. Okay, I can probably wear them — they’re still sweet lookin’. But I’m going to feel a bit strange every time I put one on knowing that I spent my hard-earned money helping support a serial adulterer. Worse, I’m not particularly keen on looking like an adulterer myself.

All this leaves my golf clothing plans very much up in the air. No way I’d ever wear Adidas as long as they’re paying Sergio Garcia. I like Phil Mickelson, but if there’s a worse dressed player on Tour I’m not sure who he is. Greg Norman gear is outstanding, but they don’t give it away and the Ebay market is a fraction of what the Tiger garb market is.

I suppose I can wear some of the hundred or so golf shirts I already have.

Something tells me Reese and Finn, who both want to go to college, would appreciate that.

Did Tiger Just Catch His First Break?

I hate to use the Jenkins family blog as an avenue to ruminate — that’s what Facebook is for. But given how much time is spent in the Jenkins household talking about Tiger these days — that is, lots — I can’t resist. My latest thought is that the report out of Florida that officials from the Florida Department of Children and Families visited the home of Tiger and Elin Woods this morning may prove to be Tiger’s first break in a while. Because no matter how much of a scoundrel he was/is, the world public is not going to have much patience for government bureaucrats sticking their nose into his mansion. Tiger may not be much of a husband, but there is no particular reason to believe either he or Elin are lacking as parents. If the FDCF sticks around, the story goes from “What Tiger did to Elin” to “What government bureaucrats may do to the Woods family.” And if the latter is the storyline, Tiger the perpetrator becomes Tiger the victim.

Reports that state bureaucrats have their noses in the Woods mess may turn Tiger the Cheetah into Tiger the victim.

Of course, this potential break might be a double-edged sword. If Elin or the Nordegrens thinks there’s even a snowballs chance in hell that she could lose Sam or Charlie to the State of Florida, she’ll be Stockholm bound faster than Cheetah can get laid — and for good.

POSTSCRIPT: As of 1 pm on Monday, this story really hasn’t caught on at all. So I guess the answer to the question posed in the title is a big fat “no.”

My Thoughts on the Cheetah — Er, Tiger — Woods Saga

I’ve been trying hard lately not to use the Jenkins family blog as a venting forum. Some of it can and may be used against me. Plus, I doubt Reese and Finn will care much what I thought about when they were in diapers.

Nevertheless, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say a few words about the Tiger Woods scandal. It does, after all, occupy a fair bit of the Jenkins family dinner conversation these days.

He had it all -- and it still wasn't enough.

My thoughts, in no particular order:

Conventional wisdom is that Tiger will bounce back from this one. Tiger the player may bounce back, but Tiger the brand never will. This guy is no longer Superman. In fact, he’s a full-fledged dog of a husband. Sure, Kobe recovered from a similar situation. But Kobe was never as perfect as Tiger. And for Kobe there was only one gal — there are three (3) gals linked to Tiger. So far. Plus, “Cheetah” Woods is just so good for a guy who changed his name to Tiger.

Oh how I wish Betcha.com was still around — the dough that would be flowing on this one. Betcha: “More gals will come out of the woodwork”; “Tiger’s game will suffers in 2010″; “Tiger will lose his number one ranking on or before …”; “Tiger and Elin Woods will be separated on or before …”; “One of Tiger’s sponsors will drop him on or before …”; “One of Tiger’s gals (Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs or Kalika Moquin) will be in Playboy on or before …” — you get the idea.

I don’t see Tiger going on Oprah for this — he’s no fan of the boo birds, and they’d be out in force.

I’m a big collector of Nike Tiger Woods shirts. After his dogness became evident I thought about changing to my second-favorite brand, Greg Norman Apparel. Then I remembered — he cheats on his wife, too!

Jesper Parnevik’s criticism of El Tigre won’t go unanswered. I’m sure a lot of guys are thinking what he is saying — but they aren’t saying it. At the very least, Parnevik will be cryptonite when Tiger is around.

Ruminations on My First Month as a Fantasy Football Player

We’re through Week 4 of the 2009 Cascade Fantasy Football League season, my first fantasy season ever. So far I’m 4-4 — not bad for a rookie. I promised I wouldn’t use the family blog to ruminate about fantasy sports — can’t imagine Reese and Finn will care two toots about how my running backs did by the time they’re old enough to read this — but I have to do it just this once.

Fantasy makes the NFL an addictive proposition. I’ve watched more pro football games this year than I did all of last year. Sundays are officially couch time at casa de Jenkins. I feel like I’m living a beer commercial without the beer.

I’m doing it with smoke and mirrors. My running backs, Larry Johnson (KC) and Leon Washington (NYJ) have a combined total of eight (8) points in eight games. By way of comparison, Antoine Winfield, a Minnesota Vikings cornerback, scored nine (9) points last night — and he plays defense. If Johnson or Washington doesn’t get on track soon, the bubble’s gonna burst. My wide receivers aren’t much better. Larry Fitzgerald has been okay with 18 points in three games, but Terrell Owens has only eleven points in four games. Ted Ginn had six points in one game — and zip the rest. Zach Miller gets the ball toss to him — er, over his head — by JeMarcus Russell. ‘Nuff said.

This is about what Larry Johnson has done for me so far this year -- nothing.

At the beginning of the season I chagrined that I picked Ben Roethlisberger instead of Darren MacFadden with my first pick. Turns out I made a great move. With 50 points in four games, Big Ben has literally carried my entire offense this year. He’s the 7th rated QB in the league. MacFadden has a whopping seven points in four games for Al Davis’s Dumb Dumbs. I hope for his sake he can get out of Oakland before his career is officially ruined. Put him on the New York Jets and he’s a household name.

I dreaded picking him, but Big Ben is carrying me.

I have the best defense in the league. Aaron Schobel and James Harrison have been monsters with 23 and 21 points, respectively. (Compare that to my offensive players and you’ll see the smoke and mirrors.)

It’s still early to be forecasting the ‘09 MVP, but I’d be willing to betcha (uh oh) that it won’t be a running back. Aside from Adrian Peterson, the league is light on dominant running backs this year. I’d put even money right now that the MVP will be either Drew Brees, Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, or Tom Brady. It’s too bad Betcha’s not still around …

I better stop now …

Did the Seahawks Just Wear the Ugliest Uniforms in NFL History?

I just finished watching the Seahawks lose to the Bears 25-19, their second straight loss in what is increasingly looking like another wasted season. I blog on it only to memorialize the day as, quite possibly, the day the Seahawks wore the ugliest uniforms in NFL history:

Don’t get me wrong — the thought was okay. The execution, however, was not. Lime green with dark blue pants and dark blue sleeves? Way too cute by half. Had the jerseys been all green, and the pants been light gray, this might have worked. It didn’t. The ‘hawks belong on the next rendition of this page — and at the top.

(For the record, the Giants and Browns home uni’s are the NFL’s best uniforms right now. Both are simple and very classic. “Simple” and “classic” were not words that entered my mind watching the ‘hawks yesterday.)

So Much for That Great Idea

Last week I had the great, uh, original idea of writing a sequel to The Breakfast Club. Sort of The Breakfast Club meets The Big Chill. I was going to write a screenplay, sell it to Hollywood, and make millions. My pal Roy rightly dissuaded me from that idea — seems Universal owns the rights — so I quickly ditched my effort.

As with most of my great ideas, it seems that someone else already came up with it. I did a quick Google search for “sequel to The Breakfast Club” and did not come up empty handed. Lots of people have come up with ideas for a sequel — Joel Mathis on Lawrence.com developed his somewhat.

It was a good thought, but my idea for writing a sequel to The Breakfast Club ain't gonna happen.

Apparently the chances of a TBC 2 happening aren’t great. According to this report, Emilio Estevez had no interest in the project a few years back. Perhaps he will change his mind after the death of John Hughes.

For now, however, I think we’re stuck watching TBC over and over and wondering what could be … sorta how I feel about Deadwood.

On Looking Good

I just finished reading Primo Levi’s Survival in Auschwitz. It was a bit of a stream of consciousness book — not an easy read for a guy who likes his prose tight as a drum. I gave it two stars on Goodreads.com. Frankly I did not enjoy the read at all (forgive my use of the term “enjoy” given the subject matter, but I’m at a loss for the appropriate term.) It did have one reasonably good line, however:

A respectable appearance is the best guarantee of being respected.

In his case being respected was a heck of a lot more important than today, but the line still resonates.

Ruminations on My First Week as a Fantasy Football Player

I promise that I will not often contaminate the family blog with every thought I have about my new found hobby of fantasy football. Nonetheless, this is my first week as a player and it is my blog, so I’m going to bang the keyboard just this once.

A few ruminations:

This fantasy stuff is going to fundamentally change the way I watch football (and, hence, spend my weekends). I watched more full regular season games this week than I watched all last year. Thank God for Comcast’s video recorder.

Among the games I watched was last night’s Raiders-Chargers game. I otherwise couldn’t have cared less but I have Raiders TE Zach Miller, and his performance mattered. I’m amazed at just how bad JeMarcus Russell is. If he had not been a number one pick and had the Raiders not broke the bank to sign him, this guy is a No. 3 quarterback at best. (These guys agree.) As of now, he is one of only two starting quarterbacks in the league (Sean Bulger being the other) who is not owned in my fantasy league. After watching last night’s performance, I understand why.

My offensive players aren't good, but at least I don't have JeMarcus Russell.

It’s amazing how NFL running backs can fall so far so fast. Two years ago Larry Johnson was Da Man. Now he’s rushing for 20 yards on 11 carries — and that doesn’t look like an anomaly. LaDanian Tomlinson was a record breaker in ‘07 — now Darren Sproles is on the field at crunch time. Shaun Alexander was big time in 2005 — two years later he couldn’t get a job. These guys have as much job security as Seattle-area entrepreneurs who dare tread near the state’s gambling monopoly.

The more I think about it the more I appreciate just what a great target customer the fantasy player would have been for Betcha.com. The overlaps and value props just jump off the page. I can’t quite put it to words on this entry and I won’t lest I be hauled off to jail in Tennessee or some other would-be Louisiana, but something about “Hit the reset button every week.”

If Betcha is gambling, how is it that fantasy football isn’t? (Note to the Washington State Gambling Commission, who is undoubtedly reading this: don’t read this as an admission that I think Betcha is gambling. It isn’t.) Other than ESPN, CBS Sports, et al. are very powerful. (NOTE: A lawyer in New Jersey actually made this argument last year. The case was litigated in federal court — he lost.)

By the way: I went 1-1 in Week 1. Had Russell been as even as accurate as an 18th century firearm, he might have hit Zach Miller for a TD pass, and I’d have gone 2-0. I got mighty lucky winning even one, I must admit: Aaron Schobel, my third-ranked defensive player, outscored my starting backfield and one of my starting wide receivers — Ben Roethlisberger, Leon Washington, Larry Johnson, and Terrell Owens — combined. If those guys keep getting outscored by a single defensive player, my win against Norman will be my lone one for the year.

I'm in for a long year if Bills DE Aaron Schobel continues to be my high scorer.

My First Ever Fantasy Football Draft

Yesterday I attended my first ever fantasy football draft. I’m playing in the Cascade Auto Glass Fantasy Football League, run by my good buddy Brad Nelson. Paul Sharkey, Norman Cheuk and Tim O’Brien are also members.

About 16 of us spent a gorgeous Saturday afternoon in the basement of Fox Sports Grill drafting players for ‘09. I inherited Larry Fitzgerald as a keeper on my team. Among the other big names I nabbed: Ben Roethlisberger (whom I stupidly nabbed over Darren McFadden), Terrell Owens and Larry Johnson. Deion Branch — not sure what I was thinking there.

I think I made a big mistake picking him ...

instead of him.

Anyway, I was up at 4 am this morning lamenting my Roethlisberger-over-McFadden decision.

I think I’m going to be addicted.