The Most Vulgar Thing I’ve Ever Seen on Facebook

Like most people who spend at least a few hours a day banging a keyboard in front of a vision-sapping monitor, Facebook is part of my daily routine. I admit — I look at it several times a day — if for no other reason than that the content on my friend-driven news feed is far more interesting than what’s elsewhere on the internet. So it was with tremendous disgust today I made the mistake of clicking through a post left on my Wall to something called “Par Mates.” From what I can tell, it was a photo shoot Golf Digest did in Las Vegas to promote golf in Sin City. One of the photos was of some teenage- or early twenties bimbo draped all over a statue of Old Tom Morris:

I have to say it’s probably the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen on Facebook and certainly the worst content I’ve ever seen on Golf Digest. I could go on and on here about why I’m so offended, but I actually have more important things to work on today.

Suffice it to say, if I still subscribed to GD I’d cancel my subscription. For now I’ll wonder aloud: is nothing sacred?

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The New Tiger Gear: What the @^&%#* is Nike Doing?

It’s no big secret to the two of you who read this blog. Back before Tiger was Cheetah, I compiled a rather sizable collection of Nike Tiger Woods’ gear — check out the pic on this entry. It’s also no secret than I’m no longer a Tiger fan. In fact, these days the only thing that bothers me more than watching El Tigre hurl profanities on national TV is that gawd-awful Adidas stuff that Justin Rose, Dustin Johnson, Jason Day and the rest of the Adidas posse wears.

Perforating the shirt collar may or may not help Tiger hit more fairways. It will certainly make me not buy these shirts.

According to the good folks at the Khaki Crusader, the folks at The Three Stripes are moving away from that their steady diet of techno trash with Mr. Day, aka the Guy with the Hottest Wife on Tour. That’s good — I may even buy an Adidas shirt next year. Nike, however, is going the other way. Woody Hochswender reported on Golf.com a few days ago that the Swooshers are going uber, uh, “performance” with their $8 million man. (More.) According to a Nike spokesperson, Tiger has been “repositioned.” The idea, I guess, is to make the new Tiger gear as light-weight as possible, thereby, in theory, enhancing the wearer’s performance. The new shirts reportedly weigh 2.9 ounces as compared to the five-plus ounces of a regular golf shirt.

To which I say “you gotta be kidding.”

I’m all for evolution in golf apparel — and everything else, for that matter. Except maybe music. But this new stuff is just plain silly. Is Tiger really going to hit more fairways and get the putts to start dropping again because he has holes in his collars? (And from the looks of the pic, those holes, which appear to go down the back of the shirt, ain’t small.) More importantly, are Nike’s customers going to buy this stuff? I recall Nike did an ultra-light, top-stitched performance shirt back in 2008. Trevor Immelman wore a black one on Sunday when he won The Masters. The Seattle Team wore pink ones on Sunday during Greenspan Cup 2008 (check out the third pic in this entry). I don’t think I saw anyone else on Tour or on the street wearing one. The reason I rarely wear mine — it’s so light that it doesn’t keep me warm.

To be fair to the Nikesters, I may be pre-judging here, as I’ve only seen one picture of one piece in its upcoming Tiger collection. But I doubt it. According to Hochswender, Nike officials are saying they’ve essentially merged the Tiger Platinum- and Nike Tour Performance lines. The former was just barely tolerable — the latter, worn by guys like Stewart Cink and Paul Casey, is almost as bad as the aforementioned Adidas gear. Merging two bad lines does not a good line make. I’m guessing this line’s gonna end up looking like what a robot would wear if robots played golf. Come to think of it, Tiger is often accused of being a robo-golfer when he’s not throwing clubs and dropping f-bombs. This gear ain’t gonna help.

Here’s betting big that the new Adidas stuff significantly outperforms this new Nike techno gear at the cash register in 2012. Here’s betting even bigger than Mr. Day outperforms Mr. Woods on the course, too. Because at the end of the day you have to have some idea of where the ball is going to win on the PGA Tour. Tiger just doesn’t.

Butch Harmon might be able to change that.

Holes in his collars won’t.

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More on Looking Good

I’ve long believed that how you look is every bit as important as what you think. How you dress and take care of your body tells others how you value yourself and, thus, how they should value you. As Primo Levi said, “A respectable appearance is the best guarantee of being respected.” (More.) The driving prejudice in 21st century America is based on looks, not race.

Stacy and Clinton are right -- how you looks matters. Big time.

Today the folks over at TLC’s “What Not to Wear” — one of our favorite shows, by the way — posted a link on their Facebook feed to an article over at HowStuffWorks.com about the changing definitions of beauty. The piece discussed how perceptions of beauty have changed over the years and is a bit tangential for WNTW, which preaches the virtues of looking the best you can, regardless of whether that equates to objective “beauty.” It’s even slightly tangential for me: I buy into the WNTW ethos more than objective beauty per se. Nonetheless it’s worth a read, especially the first page, which makes the case that looking good actually makes a difference to the bottom line.

That’s all I have to say for now. It’s sunny outside, and I need to work on my tan.

UPDATE: I just heard a story about a movement that would afford ugly people legal protection. (More.)

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My Ten Biggest Linguistic Pet Peeves

Watching the Real Housewives of wherever these days is getting to be a chore. Not because a fair number of them are morally repugnant individuals — although they are. But because so many of them, especially the real ex-wives of New York, seem to know how to push my buttons when it comes to linguistics. Watching that show is getting to be like forty-four minutes of listening to the sound of a chalkboard being scratched.

Pro athletes ...

All this, of course, got me to thinking about my biggest linguistic pet peeves. I have a few:

10. “So …” Lately I’ve noticed that many people begin any explanation with “so.” “So there are four courses at Bandon,” “So you have to get on the waiting list,” etc. Why “so” I do not know.

9. “The fact of the matter is …” And its closely-related cousin “(t)he fact is …” This is code for “I know all the facts, don’t bother disagreeing with me.” Me no likey people who argue like that.

flight attendants ...

8. “I know, RIGHT …?” This one’s come out of nowhere in the last year or so. I’m waiting for the day when the listener says “wrong.”

7. “… I’m like …” Been around since the advent of Valley Girls. If you are a valley girl it’s okay. Otherwise, nadda.

6. “I’m in (fill in city, state, country) next week …” Somewhere in corporate America the present and future tenses got combined. When I learned how to speak English, that sentence was “I’ll be in (blank) next week.”

5. “It’s very/extremely special …” Listen for this the next time a PGA Tour professional answers a question about how it feels to, well, whatever. “How’s it feel to win in your home state? With your parents here? Etc. It’s always “special.” Someone’s gotta come up with a new pat answer.

4. “(M)yself” instead of “me.” Another one from the ranks of the professional athletes. Listen to how many of them use “myself” instead of “me” when referring to themselves, singular, in interviews. Very common among NBA and NFL players. Drives me bananas.

and the real houswives of anywhere provide a pretty steady stream of linguistic pet peeves.

3. “We’re pregnant.” Last time I checked, no man has ever been pregnant. How ’bout “my wife is pregnant — I got her that way”? Or “we’re expecting.”

2. The word “folks.” Like the aforementioned “I’m in …,” this one’s big in corporate America. Seems any collection of people, no matter how young, old, or familiar, is a “folks.” Drives me effin’ bananas.

1. “I WILL need you to return to your seat …” My all-time number one pet peeve, not just in linguistics, but period. (This new thing where males must half hug and shoulder bump when greeting one another, a la NBA players at midcourt, is running a close second.) This linguistic inefficiency, usually used in making a request, is apparently mandatory for flight attendants. Listen for it next time you fly. “I DO need you to fasten your seat belt,” etc. Drives me almost postal, I must admit.

Lest my reader think I am a complete curmudgeon, I am not. There are a few butcheries and modern-day wordplays I’m fond of. My grandpa used to say “who belongs to this?” instead of “who’s this belong to” — I kinda like that. Reese can’t quite get her “is” in the right place, as in “What tomorrow is?” and “Where Finn is?” And I gotta admit I kinda dig this “roll” thing, as in “that’s how I roll.”

Last I watched, none of the Real Housewives were rolling with any of my faves.

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What I Think About bin Laden’s Death

Ed. note: The following my opinions only and do not reflect the opinions of Rhonda, Reese, Finn, Ollie or Sarah.

Buh bye.

Since American forces killed Osama bin Laden over the weekend, seemingly everyone I know and their brother has asked me what I think about it. Well, I don’t think about it much, but when I do these are my thoughts, in no particular order:

First, I’m glad he’s dead. Not dancing-in-the-streets-glad as I would have been had Hitler been killed in 1944 (and had I been alive). Hitler’s death would have meant something — in all likelihood, the end of a war. Unless it turns out that bin Laden has remained active in al Qaeda all these years we thought he’d been holed up in a cave, his death, while making the world a slightly better place, probably doesn’t mean much in our overall war against radical Muslims.

Reports that bin Laden “resisted” may as well say “tongue in cheek.” He was reportedly unarmed and used one of his wives as a human shield — how much resistance could he have offered? My hunch is that President Obama’s order was to kill, and that is exactly what happened. Why not be honest about it? I can only imagine the bloody murder Democrats would be crying right now had this “he resisted” story come out of the Bush Administration. Congressional “investigations” anyone?

All this celebrating about bin Laden’s death is a bit unseemly. Again, it would have been appropriate with Hitler but, inasmuch as it really doesn’t mean much, it is a bit much here. Feels like an excuse to party. We have another one of those coming up soon — Cinco de Mayo.

So far President Obama has given not a shred of credit to the Bush Administration its role in finding bin Laden. It deserves some (more) — after all, without President Bush, the special forces that killed bin Laden wouldn’t have been in Pakistan in the first place. The honorable thing to do would have been to note this was a joint effort of both administrations but mostly one of the forces on the ground. That Obama has shared no credit for Osama confirms for me what I’ve thought all along — that all his talk about “hope” and “change” nothwithstanding, President Obama is a partisan political hack. Nothing more, nothing less.

By far the element of the story that baffles me most was the decision to dump bin Laden’s body at sea. Bone-headed at best — and after a reported forty-minute religious ceremony, no less. Dumping OBL with the fishes all but guaranteed that he will take his place alongside Elvis among the undead in Conspiracyworld. The idea that giving him a religious burial would placate America’s haters is, at best, silly. My guess is that they’ll be plenty mad that we killed him in the first place. I cannot imagine who made that decision, but whoever it was needs a new day job.

Speaking of stupid arguments, this idea that OBL’s death will only create 1,000 new bin Laden’s to take his place is pure claptrap. If there are a thousand Muslims out there thinking about becoming terrorists, they’re going to do it, anyway. It is also possible, I might add, that they’ll have second thoughts about their career paths. I just don’t see a thousand young Muslims sitting in huts out there saying “Mom, I was thinking about becoming a Holy Warrior, and now that OBL is dead I’m decided to make that my life’s work.” C’mon.

Those are my thoughts, and I’m sticking to them.

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Rickie Fowler Visits West Seattle Golf

Well, not really. But it looks like someone robbed his closet and dumped it in our pro shop:

Puma has quite a presence in WSGC's pro shop.

The very-new-school Puma is suddenly the “it” brand at the very-old-school municipal golf course. And with Kikkor’s streetwear golf shoes making up a fair share of our shoe inventory, it looks like our pros are officially directing the pro shop in a decidedly youngish direction.

That’s great. But I don’t see the Puma stuff selling.

No doubt Puma has scored big time with the addition of Rickie Fowler. A brand that was nothing in the golf world eighteen months ago is now a big player — largely, if not exclusively, because of Mr. Fowler. And earlier this year, I rated Puma number four in my less-than-scientific list of top ten golf apparel brands, largely on the strength of their cutting edge innovation. But a big marketing presence does not necessarily translate into big sales, especially in the wrong market. I just don’t see a lot of the decidedly beer-and-potato-chips guys who frequent West Seattle’s pro shop dropping $75 plus tax on a crazy-colored shirt. I don’t see them dropping anything to buy any of the Puma monoline hats hanging on the walls. Indeed, other than Mr. Fowler, I don’t think I’ve seen a real human being wear one of those monolines. (Their Castro is another matter. 1I2)

I asked one of the WSGC employees if he’s be buying any of the RickieWear anytime soon. “Too old,” he said.

I feel the same way. And I’m only 41.

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Tweeting for Bucks: Good Work If You Can Get It

Note to my two readers: I do not care two toots about the starlet mentioned in this blog entry. I’m blogging on it only to note for the kids the rough starting point of this, uh, cultural phenomenon. I’m curious to see what Tweeting for dollars will look like 10-15 years from now.

The Jenkins fam can always count on Jeff Benezra to add to our knowledge base of pop culture trivia. His latest addition — Kim Kardashian makes up to $10,000 per Tweet.

Kim Kardashian reportedly makes $10k per Tweet.

I didn’t believe him at first, but it turns out he’s right. (More.)

Un-friggin-believable.

And why is Ms. Kardashian famous? I’m not the only one who has no idea. (More.)

Please note: I have not yet received nickel one for my kind words about Martin Kaymer buffs. Not holding my breath that I ever will.

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My Top Thirty All-Time Favorite Movies

My buddy Carl Hicks’ post on Facebook last night in re: his top ten favorite movies of all time has, of course, prompted me to make my own similar list. I did thirty — there are just too many good movies out there to cut the list off at ten.

Note that these are my favorite movies ever. I do not suggest that they are objectively the best movies ever — no doubt, for example, Gone With The Wind (not on my list) was a better work of filmmaking than, say, 28 Days Later (my number 14). Nor do I include movies like Ken Burns’s The Civil War or The War — while these were undoubtedly “movies,” they were never released at the box office and thus aren’t typically thought of as movies as much as they are documentary films.

That said, my list is as follows:

1. Schindler’s List (1993). IMHO the best movie ever made by a fair margin.
2. Inglorious Basterds (2009). True justice … could have watched it again and again.
3. Shawshank Redemption (1994). Probably in most peoples’ top 30 — and for good reason.
4. Midnight Express (1978). Best argument against smuggling drugs out of Turkey I’ve ever seen.
5. Saving Private Ryan (1998). Best opening scene in movie history.
6. Platoon (1986). I remember leaving the theater after I saw this one in 1986 and seroiusly wanting to kill someone.
7. Glory (1989). Denzell at his best.
8. The Reader (2008). Kate Winslet at her best.
9. Defiance (2008). You can see I like movies where the Nazis get their asses kicked.
10. Apocalypse Now (2009). Saw this with my grandparents in 1978; grandma walked out when the cow met an unceremonious ceremonial end.
11. The English Patient (1996). Elaine got it wrong on this one.
12. Downfall (2004). Bruno Ganz’s performance as Hitler was one of the best acting performances ever — and he didn’t even get nominated.
13. Full Metal Jacket (1987). The drill sargeant deserved better.
14. 28 Days Later (2002). I’ve probably seen this movie more than any other movie ever made. I have to be approaching twenty-eight times.
15. Unforegiven (1992). This probably should be higher on the list, but I haven’t seen it in a while.
16. Forrest Gump (1994). You either loved it or hated it. I loved it.
17. The Holiday (2006). If that’s what England’s like, why did The Beatles leave?
18. Love Actually (2003). As good as romantic comedies get.
19. Jaws (1975). Quint’s tale of the Indianapolis prompted me to read no fewer than three books on the subject.
20. The Sixth Sense (1999). Has anyone ever met anyone who didn’t like The Sixth Sense?
21. Mississippi Burning (1988). I guess I also like flicks where the bad guys end up hanging.
22. Passion of the Christ (2004). Caviezel should have won Best Actor for this — and Best Supporting Actor for Thin Red Line. But I digress.
23. Lost in Translation (2003). Approaching double-digit views of this one, I think.
24. Avatar (2009). One of those rare movies where I thought “man, I just saw something really exceptional.”
25. The Others (2001.) One of the best plot twists ever.
26. Amelie (2001). For feel good points this one’s off the charts.
27. Planet of the Apes (1968). “Get your dirty paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” Used that one with the ladies from time to time.
28. As Good As It Gets (2003). Jack Nicholson’s character is among the best ever. Of course, maybe it’s just Jack Nicholson.
29. A Few Good Men (1992). See what I said about As Good As It Gets.
30. Cloverfield (2008). I might be losing some credibility with this one (assuming I have any left after 28 Days Later), but I quite enjoyed it.

Honorable mention: Notting Hill (1999), First Blood (1982), Leaving Las Vegas (1995), Silence of the Lambs (1991), Breakfast Club (1985), Something’s Gotta Give (1997), Swingers (1996), and Alien (1979). NOTE: 28 Weeks Later would have made my honorable mention list, but the last fifteen minutes are just too dark (like literally, too dark).

Up next: favorite TV shows.

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My List of All-Time Best-Dressed Professional Golfers

The Man in the Black Hat’s recent shot at an all-time best-dressed golfers list has me in the golf fashion mood. Actually I’ve been in it for a few weeks now (1I2I3I4)

10. Tiger Woods. Tough for me to put The Cheetah in the dime slot given that I have so many of his contempories listed ahead of him on my modern-day players list, put he gets big points for making it cool to wear shirts that fit … One of a handful of guys I’ll watch just to see what he’s wearing.

I actually own this shirt (circa 2004 or so) -- but mine's black.

9. Gary Player. With tight shirts to show off bulging biceps, the young Gary looked like a bolt stud … Did the all-black thing better than anyone … Lost points in later years with too many pleats and even more belts around the belly button.
8. Greg Norman. I was never a huge fan of his hats, but from the neck down he was the best-dressed player on Tour from the mid-eighties to -nineties … His Greg Norman Collection is among the best stuff out there today IMHO.

7. Jesper Parnevik. High points for cutting-edge style … When guys you’re currently playing against are emulating you (Ryan Moore), that’s a very good sign … Like fellow wild-hitter and not BFF Tiger, one of a handful of guys I’ll tune in to see just to see what they’re wearing. (Some examples.)

Jesper in a fedora -- my favorite look ever.

6. Darren Clarke. With apologies to Ian Poulter, who’s trying awfully hard, Clarke is the best-dressed European player ever.
5. Adam Scott. Gets the nod over Clarke as the highest-rated active player because his duds fit him slightly better than Clarkey, notwithstanding that the latter gets everything custom made.

Pretty sharp.

4. Payne Stewart. Iconic like no one since, he gets the edge over the likes of Scott and Clarke on pzzazz points.

Somehow I don't look nearly as sharp in my knickers ...

as Payne Stewart did in his.

3. Ben Hogan. Never had the pleasure of seeing him in action, but from what I see in pics and read in Mark Frost’s The Match, the Wee Ice Man was impeccably dressed.
2. Jimmy Demaret. Way before my time — I’ll defer to what Golf Digest had to say.
1. Walter Hagen. Again, I only know from pictures, but from what I can tell this guy was the Original Golfing Clotheshorse. (More.)

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Amazon’s Ironic Entry Into the Movie Business: The Real Next Big Thing?

My hope to build a Seattle-based Next Big Thing didn’t work out so well. But there’s a new idea in town that’s sure to do a lot better. My buddy Roy Price and Amazon.com just launched Amazon Studios, a platform in which would-be moviemakers can utilize the brainpower of Amazon’s users to make their projects better and, hopefully, get movies made.

My buddy Roy Price, shown here with me at a preppy party in '09, may revolutionize moviemaking with Amazon Studios.

Amazon launched its Studio yesterday with Roy at the helm, and they’re already taking their share of arrows. (Click here, here, here, and here (see the comments).) As for me: as a big believer in the wisdom of the crowds (example), I’d bet on just about anything with crowdsourcing at its foundation. And while I have some concerns about the model — namely, many screenwriters are sure to be reluctant to share their great ideas with millions — I have little doubt that, with a visionary like Roy at the helm, Amazon Studios will figure it out one way or the other. Indeed, even if many would-be moviemakers do hold their ideas, many also won’t. And all it takes is one good one for this project to be a success.

Amazon’s new business is not without a bit of personal irony. A few months back I interviewed by telephone for a business development position with Amazon. The interviewer, a guy whose affinity for Amazon was rivaled, no doubt, only by his affinity for himself, asked one question: “How can Amazon double its revenues in five years?”

A strange question, I thought, given that this is no doubt what Amazon pays him to figure out every day, but in any case my answer was this: either expand your geography coverage (where) or your product offering (what). Since Amazon already sells an awful lot of “stuff,” extending the product offering meant selling services, a la Elance. The interviewer had never heard of the Kleiner Perkins-backed Elance, but he knew enough to know that selling services was a bad idea. I did not get a follow-up interview.

Apparently the interviewer did not know Amazon would soon be taking a long leap from its core business model and landing straight in the, uh, movie business.

Regardless of the personal irony, I hope and believe Roy’s studio will do well. I’d love to bet on how one of the studio’s projects will do at the box office on one of those new websites that allow people to bet on box office takes (more).

Oh wait. Congress made those illegal.

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